Callum, 11, from Kells, was doing his homework on Tuesday when he made a discovery that has shocked the town, two goldfish and at least one very old dog.
The Book of Kells, he noticed, is full of cats.
On the famous Chi Rho page, folio 34r, two cats keep a close eye on a pair of mice nibbling a round wafer they definitely should not be nibbling. On folio 48r, a stripy cat is squeezed in between two lines of writing, looking like it has just knocked something off a table. The monks drew them about 1,200 years ago, and they have been on duty ever since.
"These are Kells cats," Callum said. "They haven't been home since 1653. That's 373 years. That's a lot of missed dinners."
So he did what any responsible person does when a cat goes missing. He made posters.
"MISSING: CATS (several). ALSO MICE (a few). Last seen in Kells in 1653. Very old. Very stripy. Do not answer to their names because they are drawings. REWARD: one packet of crisps (opened)."
The posters went up at the round tower, at the high crosses and on the way to St Colmcille's House, where the monks of Kells lived and worked. Within an hour, a pigeon had sat on the one beside the Market Cross for ten whole minutes. Experts are calling this "basically a sighting".
Next, Callum rang Trinity. In this story, a very polite voice answered.
"Hello. Have you got my town's cats?"
"The cats are very happy here," said the voice.
"How do you know? Did you ask them?"
There was a long pause. Nobody has ever asked the cats.
The voice offered Callum a timed-entry ticket so he could visit the cats behind glass. Callum asked if he had to pay to visit his own cats. The voice said yes, plus a small booking fee, and asked if he'd like the audio guide.
Callum then laid out his case, using three fingers so it was easy to follow.
One: the book is called the Book of Kells. "It's not called the Book of Somewhere Else. It's in the name."
Two: Kells minded it for nearly 850 years. Trinity has had it for about 370. "We're miles ahead. It's not even close."
Three: cats like to be at home. "Everybody knows that. Ask anyone with a cat."
"Also, it's only 69 km," he added. "My cat walks further than that looking for ham."
The voice said Trinity would consider the matter at a meeting, some time after the next 370 years.
Callum is not worried. Plan B is a saucer of milk at the bottom of the round tower. "If they're real Kells cats, they'll find their way home," he said. "Cats always do. Even the ones made of ink."
So if you spot a stripy cat about 1,200 years old wandering up the M3, be nice to it. Tell it Callum says it's nearly home.