Trinity College Dublin has announced an upgraded Book of Kells visitor experience, responding to feedback that the previous experience — paying to look at a book you cannot touch — lacked “intimacy.”
The new package, tentatively branded Proximity+, allows guests to stand approximately eighteen inches nearer the glass for a modest surcharge. Early reviews describe the upgrade as “emotionally identical” and “still very much glass.”
A Trinity spokesperson said the college remains committed to world-class stewardship of a manuscript created in Kells, named after Kells, and currently enjoying a long working holiday in Dublin. When asked whether Kells might one day host the book, the spokesperson smiled the smile of someone who already has the gift-shop contract.
Visitors are advised to book ahead, hydrate, and remember that heritage is priceless — which is why it has a QR code and a gift bag.
Satire. Not a news report.