Trinity College’s gift shop has launched a new line of merchandise proudly stamped “Made in Kells,” according to sources who can read a hangtag from three metres back in the queue.
The labels, printed in Dublin for logistical reasons described as “obvious if you think about it,” celebrate the manuscript’s hometown while remaining carefully silent on whether the hometown gets a cut of the tote-bag margin.
“It’s heritage,” a shop assistant explained, folding a scarf featuring knotwork that once took monks years and now takes a heat press twelve seconds. Asked if Kells could sell the same line, the assistant gestured at the queue and said the brand equity was “already booked out until Lent.”
Shoppers are reminded that supporting the story means visiting Kells — and that a tea towel is not a manuscript, no matter how lovely the thread count.
Satire. Not a news report.